A Kingdom, United

First off let me apologize for not posting any updates of this business we call show, it is certainly not for a lack of trying. For some unfathomable reason my computer wouldn't recognize any wireless signals in the U.K. and it was all I could do to keep from snapping like a turtle. I did however make some notes that I will try to string together into a somewhat cohesive understanding of the British experience.

To get there we took a ninety minute ferry from Calais, France to Dover, England which was memorable if only for me essentially dumpster diving leftovers from the tables of strangers. It wasn't my intention to join the ranks of the poor unwashed but to be honest I hadn't had a shower that day and my pockets were indeed bereft of British pounds so I thought "Why the fuck not?" I found myself sitting next to a gaggle of teenagers who had barely touched their roast chicken and fries so when they made their leave I looked left, then right and discreetly moved the food over to my table. Psychologically it was difficult at first but like everything in my life once I commit then the consequences of actions don't enter my mind, hence being married...

Our first show was Sheffield at the Harley. As it happens we were misinformed of the start time and since Julia and Marissa were still at dinner and the promoter was pressuring us to start, Nick played the show on his own with backing tracks from his iPod until the girls showed up and we joined him for the last two or three songs together. It was disappointing after such a long travel day to play for such a short time so to drown my sorrows I ended up going out to a pub called the Washington (co-owned by Nick Banks, the drummer of Pulp) with the promoter Liam and his girlfriend Emma. Much later, when I got back to the hotel (located above the Harley), there was a dj dance night in full swing and our room was bumping until about four in the morning. Despite this I was so tired I fell immediately asleep to the sounds of boots und katz und boots und katz...

The next morning we went out to the van and discovered the word CUNTS scrawled in eyeliner on the back doors. I still can't figure out if it was someone who attended the show and felt inclined to express their feelings indirectly or a hooligan who's vision came into focus on the Deutschland license plate and inspired them to artistic heights in the field of calligraphy. We'll never know...

Nice N' Sleazy, Glasgow. I'm not sure what to say about the name as it kind of speaks for itself. The show was good but the audience was really reserved and I was in an odd mood. I wished we had had some time to explore the city as it looks really beautiful. Marissa missed out as she went back to her friend Thibeaults to hang, but after the show the promoter Chris took us out to a cathedral which had been converted to a fancy bar and bought rounds of single malt and chasers. He seemed disappointed that we didn't want to get hammered and then go get in a fight. Oh Glasgow, g'wan g'wan g'wan.

When we arrived in Manchester it occurred to me that we may be staying at Bernies place as last time and sure enough we were. Like Wally in Nürnberg, Bernie is a kind of den mother to musicians staying in Manchester and has a row house in Moss Side, which figures prominently as a locale in 24 Hour Party People as well as the title to Barry Adamsons debut album Moss Side Story. The show at the Ruby Lounge was really fun with lots of smiling faces in the audience and good live sound but I was most excited to hang out and drink wine and talk with Bernie, which I did until quite late. She's moving her family to Vancouver this September so I hope we'll get to know each other better as she and her family are fairly awesome.

And then there's London. Heard of it? The city without a soul? Maybe it's harsh but I think London can take it, as well as dish it out. Like me. On the other hand the promoters Chris and Claire are basically the best people in the world and took good care of us so what do I have to complain about. The show was really good and the crowd seemed to enjoy it so what more do you want? You have a roof over your head and food in your mouth right? We stayed at the Travellers Inn and it was awful. The worst sleep all tour, but at least our toilet seat was attached and there were sheets on the bed, unlike Julia and Marissas room...

Right. So. The Freebutt in Brighton. The best show of the U.K.? Perhaps. Certainly a lovely and lively bunch who loved the shit out of both No Kids and Mount Eerie. A fellow named Rowan started the show off with some extreme English backwoods folk music...in a black velvet cape... Good sets from No Kids and Mount Eerie and then back to the cursed Travellers Inn where we managed to take apart the couch to make room for Phil, but once again the girls were left with the dregs as their room smelled like vomit. Fortunately, Phil stepped in to have their room switched, so basically I'm saying that the Travellers Inn sucks and avoid it if you are able.

The next day we caught the ferry back to France and were free of the U.K.

Amen.