Bugs and such...

In Göteborg the entire band sans moi was eaten alive by mosquitos and they still look like acne ridden teenagers many days later. No joke. How I escaped their fate is a mystery to this day.

Köln und Berlin

Back in the van on our way to Bergen, Norge after spending a day off in Oslo. We visited the National Museum which houses the work of Edvard Munch and my new favourite painter Theodor Kittelsen, who Phil is enamoured with. I hadn't heard of him before but he is quite famous in Norge for his children's book illustrations of trolls and mythic monsters, (our host Silja admitted she was terrified of his illustrations when she was a child). Outside of Kittlesen I mostly liked the sculptures, particularly one of a mother breastfeeding a child (when we come back I have to remember to write down the name of the sculptor).

Afterwards Nick and I went window shopping at Henrik Vibskog and Freudian Kicks while the rest of the group ate sushi. We met up later and went to Ingeborg's flat and watched The Hangover which was fun but I'm getting kind of tired of movies featuring nagging, unreasonable harpy wives who seem to be written into the script solely to justify the male character's childish behaviour. It seems like lazy and unnecessarily sexist writing and tarnishes my appreciation of the humour of the film, which is actually pretty fucking funny mostly due to Zach Galifianakis, who comes off as this generation's John Belushi. I read a good interview with him in GQ not long ago and he came off facetious, irreverent and slightly irascible, which I can fully appreciate.

Due to a lack of space at Ingeborg's, Phil, Paul, Marissa and I stayed at her friend Silja's flat which was really fun. Silja's a furniture carpenter so we talked for a while about carpentry after I broke the bottom brace off of her dining room chair. Oops...

Köln was a good show at Subway. My friend Ann-Katrin showed up with her boyfriend Wolfgang who seems like a nice guy and she looked pretty happy with him. It was great to see her and I didn't even realize she was living in Köln much less in a relationship so I guess we've been out of touch for a while. Boo on me. I spent much of the evening talking with the bartender Claudine who was super sweet and funny which lightened my serious mood considerably. Why so serious? The thing about being on tour is it gives you lots of time to navel-gaze so I've found myself thinking about how when I was in my early thirties I was sure I was growing into a Harvey Keitel or Sean Connery type of handsomeness, you know, guys that were never particularly good looking but carried themselves well, but recently I'm not so sure I'm on that road or why it even matters.

Whatever. It's all weird confidence self-esteem baggage anyway.

When we arrived in Berlin I had just enough time after sound check to visit Pigi and Zoi. The short walk from the U-Bahn was happiness and when she answered the buzzer she was completely surprised to hear my voice and as I entered the flat she gave me a big hug and convinced me to stay for dinner. Zoi kept asking where Anders was and showed me her new favourite film The Sound of Music, which coincidentally we watched on the drive there. Eventually I had to leave and it was sad to say goodbye but it was worth it to keep in touch.

The show at Festsaal Kreuzberg was tops for me though I was oddly nervous due to the amount of friends who came out but I was soon assuaged by the people dancing in the front row, which always makes the show better. Afterwards I ditched the band to hang with Manfred so we grabbed a taxi and made a stop at my favourite kebab shop Mustapha's on Mehringdamm. Ummmmm hahnchen...a perfect end to a perfect day.

Groningen, Netherlands

Beer bad, scotch good. I have found the key.

Why does it take three soundpeople FIVE HOURS to soundcheck a band? There is a joke in there somewhere...

Broke two sticks.

Vera rules.

Kortrijk

Unbelievable. As soon as we are back in Europe my computer recognizes internet again. Why? Please someone tell me why?

The dinner at De Kreun in Kortrijk, Belgium was amazing. Three cooks working on tiny chickens the size of my fist in garlic, oil, lemon and salt. Roast potatoes in chives. Salad with smoked meat layers and a garlic chive dressing. Best food of the tour outside of Bernies homemade curry. Next door to the venue was a carnival which the gang went and checked out, Phil and Paul went on a ride called High Energy. A long stick with a carriage at either end. I'm told there was a lot of high girlish screaming...

Oh, we also played a show. It was really good. We got drunk afterwards and went to the hotel which was also really good, the shower was in my top five of the tour. Everyone crowded into our hotel room and watched 30 Rock. Perfection.

Something to think about.

Before we left for Europe I tiled my brothers shower stall and I realized today I find myself paying really close attention to the grout work in public toilets while urinating as there isn't really anything else to do and I urinate in a variety of public toilets on tour.

With grout it can be flush with the edge of the tile and the consistency quite gritty, yet smooth and even, which looks best to me. More often it's shallow and smooth with scratchy streaks in it due to the aggressiveness of the cleanup, which is probably closer to what my grouting looks like. Also, more often than not the grout is left unsealed, leaving it porous and unprotected from mould and moisture.

Clearly there's not enough time when I want it and waaaaay too much time on my hands in all the wrong places...

A Kingdom, United

First off let me apologize for not posting any updates of this business we call show, it is certainly not for a lack of trying. For some unfathomable reason my computer wouldn't recognize any wireless signals in the U.K. and it was all I could do to keep from snapping like a turtle. I did however make some notes that I will try to string together into a somewhat cohesive understanding of the British experience.

To get there we took a ninety minute ferry from Calais, France to Dover, England which was memorable if only for me essentially dumpster diving leftovers from the tables of strangers. It wasn't my intention to join the ranks of the poor unwashed but to be honest I hadn't had a shower that day and my pockets were indeed bereft of British pounds so I thought "Why the fuck not?" I found myself sitting next to a gaggle of teenagers who had barely touched their roast chicken and fries so when they made their leave I looked left, then right and discreetly moved the food over to my table. Psychologically it was difficult at first but like everything in my life once I commit then the consequences of actions don't enter my mind, hence being married...

Our first show was Sheffield at the Harley. As it happens we were misinformed of the start time and since Julia and Marissa were still at dinner and the promoter was pressuring us to start, Nick played the show on his own with backing tracks from his iPod until the girls showed up and we joined him for the last two or three songs together. It was disappointing after such a long travel day to play for such a short time so to drown my sorrows I ended up going out to a pub called the Washington (co-owned by Nick Banks, the drummer of Pulp) with the promoter Liam and his girlfriend Emma. Much later, when I got back to the hotel (located above the Harley), there was a dj dance night in full swing and our room was bumping until about four in the morning. Despite this I was so tired I fell immediately asleep to the sounds of boots und katz und boots und katz...

The next morning we went out to the van and discovered the word CUNTS scrawled in eyeliner on the back doors. I still can't figure out if it was someone who attended the show and felt inclined to express their feelings indirectly or a hooligan who's vision came into focus on the Deutschland license plate and inspired them to artistic heights in the field of calligraphy. We'll never know...

Nice N' Sleazy, Glasgow. I'm not sure what to say about the name as it kind of speaks for itself. The show was good but the audience was really reserved and I was in an odd mood. I wished we had had some time to explore the city as it looks really beautiful. Marissa missed out as she went back to her friend Thibeaults to hang, but after the show the promoter Chris took us out to a cathedral which had been converted to a fancy bar and bought rounds of single malt and chasers. He seemed disappointed that we didn't want to get hammered and then go get in a fight. Oh Glasgow, g'wan g'wan g'wan.

When we arrived in Manchester it occurred to me that we may be staying at Bernies place as last time and sure enough we were. Like Wally in Nürnberg, Bernie is a kind of den mother to musicians staying in Manchester and has a row house in Moss Side, which figures prominently as a locale in 24 Hour Party People as well as the title to Barry Adamsons debut album Moss Side Story. The show at the Ruby Lounge was really fun with lots of smiling faces in the audience and good live sound but I was most excited to hang out and drink wine and talk with Bernie, which I did until quite late. She's moving her family to Vancouver this September so I hope we'll get to know each other better as she and her family are fairly awesome.

And then there's London. Heard of it? The city without a soul? Maybe it's harsh but I think London can take it, as well as dish it out. Like me. On the other hand the promoters Chris and Claire are basically the best people in the world and took good care of us so what do I have to complain about. The show was really good and the crowd seemed to enjoy it so what more do you want? You have a roof over your head and food in your mouth right? We stayed at the Travellers Inn and it was awful. The worst sleep all tour, but at least our toilet seat was attached and there were sheets on the bed, unlike Julia and Marissas room...

Right. So. The Freebutt in Brighton. The best show of the U.K.? Perhaps. Certainly a lovely and lively bunch who loved the shit out of both No Kids and Mount Eerie. A fellow named Rowan started the show off with some extreme English backwoods folk music...in a black velvet cape... Good sets from No Kids and Mount Eerie and then back to the cursed Travellers Inn where we managed to take apart the couch to make room for Phil, but once again the girls were left with the dregs as their room smelled like vomit. Fortunately, Phil stepped in to have their room switched, so basically I'm saying that the Travellers Inn sucks and avoid it if you are able.

The next day we caught the ferry back to France and were free of the U.K.

Amen.

Gay Paris...

What up Paris? We walked by the graveyard where Jim Morrison, Edith Piaf and other important humans are buried but all the gates were locked. Then it started pouring rain and I got really wet. Then our show was underwhelming and I'm not sure why. Maybe because it sounded as if we were playing in a plastic bag two doors down from the venue. Then I couldn't use my drink tickets to buy scotch...

blah blah blah...

I'm a one man complaints choir.

Colmar, France

I'm sitting backstage at the Fleche d'Or in Paris, France listening to Mount Eerie soundcheck trying to sum up Colmar. After a great soundcheck, maybe the best yet, and a wonderful day wandering this small and beautiful city we returned to the venue and played a really good show to approximately fifteen people who I didn't get the impression liked No Kids very much as was evidenced by not one item purchased from the merch table.

C'est la vie...

Oh, I also accidentally insulted Jessie of Pterodactyl. He was telling a story about the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and Ex-Models and it just kinda fizzled out and went nowhere and I said "Wow that story really went nowhere" and then walked out of the room. Suddenly I realized, oh, I don't actually know this guy, he might have taken that wrong. Sure enough I walked back in the room to apologize and he responded with whatever, fuck you or something similiar so I tried to say I was just joking but I think he was really pissed. Damn my cursed yet beautiful mouth...

After the show we drove to the hotel and discovered there was nobody there and it was completely automated. Phil pressed the button for assistance and when someone answered he said hello and they said bonjour and when he explained what was going on there was a long silence, not a pause, but a hang-up. We stood there a minute confused so he pushed the button again. A different person answered with a quiet bonjour as if we just interrupted a casual liaison and Phil once again explained the situation we were in, the distant voice explained that they were in Paris and once again the person hung up. It was unbelievable. We stood there freezing with all our baggage at two in the morning, so we called the promoter and he said that Pterodactyl were on the way and they have a code for us to get in. When they arrived we tried the codes and they didn't work so we called the promoter back and he explained how the codes work and we finally got in.

Only to find the rooms were small. Very very small. Like fucking closet small. Neither Nick nor I got in any line dancing as per our usual routine...

Schorndorf, Deutschland

The next morning after the show in Nürnberg I was incredibly hungover and slept until noon. My insensitive bandmates took the opportunity to laugh at my disheveled state and the fact that even with sunglasses on I couldn't comfortably open my eyes. However, after many cups of coffee I started to come around, finally able to join them for breakfast. After which we drove to a small town outside of Stuttgart called Schorndorf and played a good show to an uncomfortably quiet sixty or so people at Club Manufaktur. I feel confident that Mount Eerie and No Kids made valiant efforts to bring them out of their shell to no avail...

Yeesh, pull on collar here...

The wonderful surprise to the club was laundry facilities which we heartily took advantage of, and although it took a really long time I now have clean socks. In my opinion every scrap of clothing can turn stiff and hang on the body like a mannequin hanging on another mannequin but socks must be clean, for the wearer and the close at hand. Right? Yes.

Nürnberg, Deutschland

Wow, I've almost caught up to myself, like Marty McFly...

Last night we played a great show at K4 in Nürnberg to a packed house. We played at the same venue last year to twenty or so people so I guess it's a good idea to keep coming back. It was probably the best merch sales of the tour so far, maybe that's why I got so incredibly hammered.

The power of money compelled me...

We played with a three piece from New York named Pterodactyl who were pretty good, they're on a couple of other shows on the tour as well which is good because they ran off with my kick pedal. After the show we headed back to our host Wally's place where we stayed last time but this time she and her husband were in town. Julia often tells the story of when we were there last time and I forgot to flush the toilet after my shower leaving a curl of poo on the toilet shelf. Ha ha ha...

Anyway, basically I continued to drink schnapps and eat pretzels while chatting with Wally. Then I skyped the family and they were actually able to hear me and I could hear them. Perhaps it was intoxication but I actually got a little weepy hearing their voices, it's easy to forget who's at the other end when there's seemingly endless alcohol in front of you...

Praha, Czech Republika

After driving through blank farmland for many kilometres we crossed the border into the Czech Republika and within minutes we encountered an insane theme park named EXCALIBUR CITY! A land where the song menomena of Muppets fame was blasting out of Kinderwelt, situated next to a restaurant located inside a full-sized jumbo jet (featuring an equally full-sized reclining naked lady air-brush painted in the style of seventies California vans.) These co-existed with giant medieval castles topped by dragons, streetlights with nude stark white maidens straight out of the Korova milkbar of A Clockwork Orange, and a gigantic globe with the slogan, "The world is yours!" on it.

Well played Czech Republika, well played...

And then, Praha itself.

You are a beautiful UNESCO heritage site destination and we didn't get to know you in the manner you deserve, and I apologize. Our desire was thwarted by many, many, many small well-placed villages in our path. So to be precise, we were running really late and basically loaded in, set-up and played. It was a good show and I managed to get nicely drunk, a highlight of which was the ride to the hotel when I looked out the window at the full moon hanging perfectly in the night sky and exclaimed, "the moon looks so beautiful tonight, it's hard to believe that one day it will be gone."

Insert long pause here.

The next morning we did manage a long walk through the city center and witnessed a tiny skeleton with moving parts ring in the changing of the hour at the astronomical clock. Paul, Phil and I ate super tasty chicken kebabs and then Marissa, Nick and I went to an Alfons Mucha exhibit. He's the artist who did the famous ad posters of the Moulin Rouge in Paris and I realized that the cover art of Blue Album by Baroness is styled after Mucha. Cool huh? I'm sad to admit that after that we hopped in the van and made our way out of Praha, a city we barely got to know...

Wien, Österreich

Last nights show in Wien, Österreich was rock and roll. The venue Arena is a rock compound with several venues, which seems common in Europe and the U.K. (and judging by the graffiti and stickers everywhere it seems if you are an English speaking group and are playing in Wien then you are likely at one of the spaces in Arena.)

Painted black? Tick. Graffiti? Tick. Smokey? Tick. Drunken? Tick. Super fun? Tick tick tick.

We played rough and ready and the crowd was enthusiastic, similiar to the last time we played here. I don't know why I'm surprised, perhaps because I expect this kind of response for a band that's been hyped, of which No Kids is not. The other high point of the show was exceptional merch sales. (Maybe it's just me but on tour nothing says I love you more than money and last night we did pretty well.) I was happy to see Bernhard, who put on our previous show here. He's pretty cool and easy to get on with and when I asked about his girlfriend Camilla he made a sour face and said "well, she dumped me, but she's over there with her boyfriend" and made an over the shoulder motion with his thumb.

As for sight seeing, I've resigned myself to the depressing fact that unless we get to our destination the night before or have a day off we just don't have the time to wander around and break out of the tour bubble. Maybe if the family moves to Berlin next year we'll have an opportunity to come and spend a little time here.

Budapest, Hungary und Zagreb, Croatia

Before I forget, after our show in Krakow we detoured and drove an hour or so to Oswiecim, better known by its German name, Auschwitz. There isn't anything I can say about the camp that hasn't been said before but what struck me dumb was how huge it was. As I discovered, there were three parts to the camp, with each successive section larger and less developed, until the Soviets showed up and the Nazis tried to tear it all down and flee, taking any prisoners who could walk and leaving the sick and crippled behind.

Not to be taken as a joke but afterwards, all I could think about was the present tenants who lived in the apartments located behind the gas chambers throwing a dinner party and giving directions...

So now I'm sitting in the green room at Arena in Wien, Österreich. Last nights show in Zagreb, Croatia is in the top five shows I've ever played. It reached such heights for many reasons,

1. The sound, both on and off stage, was excellent, kudos to the soundman who's name I'm embarrassed to say I've forgotten.
2. It was a nice theatre style venue.
3. The crowd was enthusiastic and I couldn't see the audience and...
4. Our show in Budapest, Hungary was in the top five worst shows I've ever played. It fell to such depths for these reasons,

1. The sound was terrible on stage even though the soundcheck was really good.
2. Three songs in I had already counted sixteen people leaving the show, often mid-song. I know this as I could see everyone's face clear as day. I watched many people, including two young guys in the front row, talking on cel phones or texting.
3. In frustration I audibly called bullshit on the situation and Nick reprimanded me in front of the audience and...
4. We cut a third of our set out in order to get off the stage and I felt bad for the few people who were enjoying the show who weren't seeing us at our best.

Whatever. That's what touring is like. The lows are so low you feel like quitting playing music and the highs are so high it can carry you for weeks...

On the other hand Budapest is possibly the most beautiful city I've ever been in and we spent the better part of the day wandering both sides of the Danube river exploring both Buda and Pest (as it is one city with two parts, a fact I was unaware of.) The early part of the day was spent in and around Varosliget park watching children climb all over statues of gothic hooded figures. Afterwards we walked across the Szechenyi chain bridge and stopped for drinks. Nick and I ordered martinis and when the time came to pay the bartender overcharged us and when I questioned him about it he explained that we were charged for the martini part of the drink and then the vodka part of the drink. Separately! As if it were two drinks we merged together! Although I would have stayed and argued I didn't want to embarrass anyone so we left and later, when we told our hosts what happened they laughed and said we were ripped off.

It's funny now...

The latter part of the day was spent at Buda castle which overlooks the city and I must say I don't have words to describe the view, but when night fell and the city lights came on it was breathtaking...for reals...

Back in the saddle...

So here we are on the road to Krakow, Poland in our massive nine seat passenger van (with a sleeping bunk!) We arrived in Berlin three days ago and according to Manfred, couldn't have picked a better time for weather as there were sheets of ice covering the streets of Berlin just weeks previous. Flying out of Vancouver we took a red eye which we've never done before but worked out perfectly with the flight arriving at six thirty Berlin time, so, a few hours of socializing and then off to bed. It was so good to see Manfred and Amanda after so many months. I didn't realize how much I missed them and though I was tired on the plane, the joy of seeing friends rejuvenated me and after some catch up we walked over to the cheap Italian place on the corner of Bergmannstrasse and Mehringdamm for a late dinner. It is truly fantastic to be back in the hood, the streets familiar and comforting, the night skies clear, the air brisk.

So good.

Back at the flat I went to sleep immediately and for the first night in weeks didn't wake up until morning.

After breakfast we walked around the neighbourhood, stopping for drinks at the cafe on the corner of Möckernstrasse and Kreuzbergstrasse. While sitting there my former neighbour Rona walked by and the look on her face when she saw me was priceless, hopefully she and Josh can come to the show on the thirteenth.

Afterwards we headed over to Mitte and window shopped all afternoon which usually would be draining but was fun. Manfred was pushing for this veggie burger place for dinner but instead we headed over to east Kreuzberg to have dinner at Rocco und seine Brüder on Lausitzplatz. I ordered the truffle oil and arugula pizza and it was as good as I remember, maybe better...

The next day, after another deep sleep and breakfast of croissants and coffee we hopped on the train and headed to Treptower park. I think the gang was impressed with the over the top majesty of the Soviet memorial which is amazing still even without the greenery in bloom. Then we walked to Falckensteinstrasse and had lunch at the Spanish place Veda and I went to regularly. We ordered a platter of kartoffeln, chorizo, chips and avocado. Nick even ate a piece of chorizo! Conveniently, the Puschen office is located on Schlesischesstrasse across from Die Fabrik so we headed over and met with Andreas and Phil, Nicholas and Paul of Mount Eerie, who had just arrived. We picked up the van, loaded the rental gear and merch then ditched Mount Eerie (who wants to hang out with jet lagged people right...) and headed to Tiergarten.

The woods were really quiet and it was great to be out in the evening with the lights of the nearby buildings peeking through early spring branches. We walked to the Reichstag and then circled around to the Memorial to the Murdered Jews of Europe which is ominous at night. As I was walking through the monoliths shadows loomed around me, as well as the tail end of others making their way through the memorial. Just before I reached the other side a little boy burst out from behind one of the stones, scaring the shit out of me.

After that we met up with Manfred and his friends David and Will at a restaurant just off of Kottbusserdamm where I had the most amazing walnut and gorgonzola stuffed figs washed down with shots of grappa. We were talking about pet peeves and I was complaining about people who leave food on plates and then Marissa said it bugs her when people leave wine on their table as the couple at the table behind us did. David urged her to reach over and grab the leftover wine so she did but then a few minutes later the couple returned! It seems they had just stepped out for a smoke. Needless to say Marissa was very red faced when she found out and we finished up quickly in order to avoid a scene, but not before David bought a replacement glass of wine to be served after we left. It was very funny...

Fast forward and now we are driving to Budapest, Hungary after a good first show of the tour in Krakow. A few mistakes by all but nothing tragic and despite all the drinking, no hangovers. Besides ourselves and Mount Eerie there was also a band from the U.S. called Chain and the Gang featuring Ian Svenonius formerly of the Make Up. Veda's friend Reimar will be jealous, he's a fan of theirs. They were all really nice and the drummer was pretty good...

Later, Marissa and I stayed backstage to watch Mount Eerie who were awesome. Two drummers make for good visuals as well as loud, loud, loud and we had a good view of Paul and Nicholas flailing away. After the show we headed back to the hotel Alef where Phil accidentally scraped the side of the van trying to fit into a very persnickety space. It's a small scrape but noticeable and he's bummed about it. I guess he's thinking about how much it cost us for the last vehicle we rented in Europe. Perhaps we should have rented a fleet of Austin minis...